BEFORE SHE TRIPPED
Ania could not believe Justin cancelled yet another vacation. It was becoming a nuisance to plan everything then at the last possible moment he would have to “work”. Well, she didn’t think she had any place to complain at all. He was a good man and loved her very much. He provided a good home and she didn’t want for anything…except him.
She busied herself with the cancellations and planned to sojourn alone to beautiful Jamaica. She stood and walked onto the breezeway of the lovely home Justin provided. She worked too, but he was the provider and she loved him for all that he was as a man. From the start he was constantly giving things to her for reasons or not. And then, it increasingly became less and less in the giving. That wasn’t the worse, because she wasn’t materialistic, but the act of kindness, even the smallest act was missing. He was becoming aloof, MIA, so busy she had to call the office and check his schedule to see him! Her heart was saddened. Now on the breezeway, she felt sick and mechanical. She had no choice but to go forward. Justin Barnes was not a conversationalist. He was not about to hear the foolish emotional, tear jerking of Ania. Not now, not this Justin! He was far too savvy, too sophisticated and a man of the world to have to worry about Ania.
At that second she thought of her dad and her eyes moistened. She faced the East with her hand held high she prayed, “Ahbanawa Yahawah, Father God…” as her dad had taught. The rest of the prayer was inaudible.
Montego Bay was a frenzy of clamor, exotica, and calm all rolled up in one. It was surreal, but Ania was glad for the distraction. It was so beautiful she gasped at the richness of tropical colors of the land and the people, “her “people. She smiled. She freshened up and rocked a linen pale blue maxi halter dress with matching scarf head wrap. Yep, she was feeling better. Dinner was on the beach less than three feet from the waters edge. She kept waiting for a wave to “lap” at her pedicured toes but it didn’t. The moon and stars gave their light along with the torches while the sea gave the symphony…lovely. Conversation was low and pleasant. Ania had Jonathan Rodgers at her table, a very good looking brother with creamy chocolate skin, dreamy. He was from the states too. He looked intently at her mouth while she spoke as if to hang on every word. She chatted away not realizing what was brewing was more intense than she knew. She was just happy to be talking and someone was listening to her speak! She finally looked up and there were his big brown eyes. Ania was panicked and startled. She felt her pulse race, her temperature rose and so did she! She jumped up and excused herself and went to her room like an escaped convict. Why? What did she have to feel so guilty about? Oh God, she thought! Now she felt like a fool. What must Jonathan be thinking of me right now? How could I have just jumped up and ran away like a fool, like a young school girl, like a married woman!!! Wow! She took a shower to mask the guilt that rose up from the depths and heated a cup of raspberry tea to soothe her nerves. She dialed home to pour her soul to Justin. It rang and rang until the voicemail came on and she hung up, disappointed. Although she couldn’t imagine why she was logically disappointed, but the woman in her was hurt because Justin was gone!
The morning walk on the beach was met with a solemn feeling in her “gut” and she didn’t know what to think. Ania’s mind raced as she thought about the numerous unanswered calls to Justin, her husband of seven years next month. How could he not return her calls? She was a thousand miles away from home and he wouldn’t answer the home phone or his cell, nor would he call her back. The more she thought about it the angrier she became. Yes, he provided, yes he was a good catch as far as everyone thought. But she worked too, so she wasn’t sitting around the house eating bon bon’s for goodness sake! “How dare he treat…!”, and before she could get the thought from her lips Jonathan appeared with those eyes! His face and his eyes were so kind. The major thing was he paid attention, but she also remembered a side note that entered her mind, don’t they all pay attention in the beginning! She laughed! Jonathan looked into her eyes as if he could see through her and he smile, so warmly, she glowed.
They walked, and laughed and smiled and talked, hand in hand for what seemed and eternity. She let him hold her hand, if felt right, it felt good to look into his smile when spoke and walked into the future.
Ania’s arrival home to emptiness was not a surprise it was the norm. She stared at the vastness that used to be her whole life and wondered where was the life? Where was the love? The love she needed, the love she longed for all the time. Since her return home her view of the world was different. The colors in “their” home were not the same. She found herself looking for something. She concluded she was looking for something she hadn’t had in years, a husband.
Justin was looking stoic and totally in control as usual. She stood in the door of his office having walked past the busy secretary who smiled and waved her forward. He was on the phone with his back at the door oblivious to her presence, no longer able to feel her, their connection long gone, she stared at his back. Justin sternly conducted his business, ended the call and turned.
Ania looked with refreshed eyes at Justin as he stared motionless, except for the expressed shouting from his eyes. She shuddered and wondered, speculated, feared that he knew, that he had felt the moments of joy she and Jonathan shared on the island. He used to be able to feel her emotions. But that was before the distractions, before their connection was broken. Now he shouted at her with eyes in his cool reserved way, which by the way annoyed the hell out of Ania. He shouted, but with a hint of something extra this time and she couldn’t put her finger on it. While her mind was wondering, Justin laid the law of the “land” down to her. She stood in his presence, stunned and as his mouth moved she stared at his lips and beautifully polished teeth and found she desired to kiss his mouth. She couldn’t hear his words anymore and struggled to hear his voice. Finally as if a loud clap of thunder or a bucket of cold water hit her, Justin told her to go home!
Dutifully she walked away with not so much as a, “Goodbye dear, see you when you get home”, or “I hate you, you dirty bastard and I can’t stand you don’t bother coming home!”
The elevator doors opened and she walked forward, her eyes stinging with devotion, love, doubt, remorse, and confusion. Her hand reached to press the “ground level” button and it rested into the hand of Justin’s! He had watched her walk and followed her and was now there in her view. Still stunned, her tears now free flowing and she didn’t care anymore, she flung herself into his chest and sobbed and soaked his neck with her loneliness and sniffed his scent to which she longed and missed so much. He kissed her lips and told her he didn’t know the missing of her until she produced silence. Her return was a joy. She smiled.
Home now, she nearly skipped to the breezeway to look at the ocean and visualize the distant shores of the east. She raised her hands as her granddad had taught her, “Ahbanawa Yahawah Thabayaahanawa, help me Father to love and respect and submit to my husband as you would have me to do. I love this man Father and I know we are not where You want us to be, but he’s a good man in his heart. Help me Father show us Your mercy and Your laws so that we may grow together in You. Amen
“Amen, baby!” A resolved Justin exclaimed. Ania’s heart jumped as she ran into Justin’s outstretched arms
Gen 29:11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.